Up late and Update

ITS 3:00AM

I guess knowing i can write here at any time, no matter how I am feeling really lifts me up. Its gathers my nerves and emotions that is collected by my tiny brain and then with permission is followed through my fingers. You know what I have been doing so well, and have just started posting online again. I guess well for one im still me  but its kind of nice to separate the negativity from my life and share some positive.
Right now, I can not sleep. I have tossed and turned- sprayed my lavender and turned on my music ect... and yet every night since my abusive uncle died i wake up thinking he is back in the room with me. Its such an accomplishment for me to even be moving on so well with my life and up until a few weeks ago when he passed away from terminal cancer..... i was fine.

I wont lie, it disturbs me to know he is floating around somewhere- believe what ever you believe... Im a christian and yet i still believe that this fella could be a floater. What I have to get into my thick skull is that he is not there, he is not hurting me or watching me or will ever have any right to take away anymore happiness then he did. The saddness has worn off, the corruption and even my self harm..... (claps)
I will not give in, Im here typing my ramble because for the first time I have had the deep thoughts of hurting myself, I have found myself sitting at my laptop talking to you guys on this site. I have finally figured out a different way to express myself. And hey I have gone over a year without self harming, so i bought myself a new camera to take better photos of what I already love taking. 

I shall stop crying now.... I was so fearful that I was going to ruin my year milestone, but I didn't I got through. Selecting a few choice words to type and I think this has helped me alot.
Not alot of people know how to relate to someone who has been a victim of childhood abuse and the effects it has. But I want to tell you that the best thing for them is for you to be their friend. The friends I have in my life right now have seen me through my darkest days. From completely loosing my mind and almost successfully ending my own life.... to seeing just what a little food and water does and lots love can become from one person is something worth sharing 

I chose to tell you some good things, because the good out does the bad, it brings my joy even when im down the the dumps.

Hi my name is Lauren 

Turning it around

hey,
Thanks for stopping by my blog. Boy oh Boy this has taken me a while to correct. Im not about to spit my life at you but merely write daily entries about how im dealing with the things that come at me.

Brief outline,

I am 21 years old and in case you had not gathered, i am a girl who Is from Australia. I have emotional instability- which in simple form means I hold alot of things in and if I don't express how I feel and hold it all in, I can have breakdowns that are not pretty. Usually I can not control what happens and it can be dangerous.... but whatever it happened maybe 3 times and since learning about it I have gotten bit better. I have SH in the passed and am proud to say that i passed the one year mark and have not SH. I did have an eating disorder and still struggle abit with depression ( who doesnt haha)
The main thing that eats my everyday away is my anxiety. I have had it with me for my whole life and this year it has decided to escalate for some reason which I can not pin point.
I did try to end my on life a few times, all times have been during a breakdown and its something I can not remember to well, luckily.

But moving along, I want to use this space to talk to about whats going on, I wanna remain Undefeated :)


Nice to meet you :)